Thursday, December 31, 2009

Interview with His Lordship

We close out the year, not the decade as only plebeians think the decade is ending, with the author that helped close out ‘Series 1″. Originally, we were supposed to end on a cliffhanger. Yet, we pressed on through. Someday we’ll look back, forget all this and laugh, and laugh…oh boy.

1. Your fanfic was certainly a great way to end season one. What was your inspiration when writing it?

A while back, another fanfic writer (though I cannot recall exactly who) once wondered aloud if it were possible for me to write a terrible story. Not terrible as in “ooh, that was a scary one, folks!” but more of a “this makes Twilight look like a work of art” terrible.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call tempting fate. After laughing off the comment, I suddenly wondered if I could in fact deliberately write something utterly atrocious. I took as many of the laughable plot devices as I could harvest from SM fanfiction (ie, the mysterious new soldier, more reincarnated Silver Millennium characters) and tossed them in with as many tired cliches as possible. Then I sprinkled liberally with gross spelling and grammar errors (with just a hint of papika for flavour) and hit frappe. And voila! Instant badfic.

Incidentally, you have no idea how hard it is to deliberately misspell words when you have an instant-correct spellchecker working against you. Half the things I deliberately misspelled were immediately corrected, forcing me to go back and re-botch the word–an act that no doubt had my poor spellchecker recoiling in horror.

When I passed this experiment on to the Fic Bitch to read/gag at, she offered to post it on her message board to scare the other members. Amusingly, half the people on the Bitch Board guessed the author of the fic was not only a troll, but me. I don’t know if I should be flattered or frightened that my writing style remains that noticeable even when it sucks.

Which reminds me: I still need to write the sequel, OMGWTFBBQ-2: Electric Boogaloo. There’s an outline for it around my desk somewhere, filled with all the same Cockroach Clustery goodness (now with 25% more lark’s vomit!). If memory serves, this time around I’d be tossing in Sailor Terra, Usagi running away to the U.S., a CSI cameo and Tuxedo Travis using Jedi mind tricks.

2. You blur the line between Sailor Moon’s Japanese and American shows. Is this a commonality in fanfiction you come across?

When I first joined the fandom, absolutely. Then again, at the time most of us had been sucked into Anime by the DiC dub and knew little about the Japanese version (let alone all the surgical changes that had been performed in bringing it to English). Many fans wrote stories based on the dub, though I found that the longer a writer stayed in the Sailormoon fandom, the more their stories began aligning with the original Japanese version.
Nowadays, the fandom is a lot older so there are more stories and resources to work with if you want to base your story in the original Japanese version. Plus the advent of the Intarwebs & YouTube lets anyone who wants to see the original Japanese episodes watch them from start to finish. It is still possible to find fans writing from the DiC version, but they tend to be few and far between…or else you’ve just stumbled across their archives stories from long, long ago.

Mind you, it’s not uncommon to encounter a writer who’s merging the North American and Japanese versions into some strange little hybrid. They’ll pick & choose which parts of which version they like more, kind of like a salad bar. One could call this heresy of a sort, but you will also encounter some authors who’ve taken aspects of the Sailormoon anime and manga, and merged them together for the sake of their story. I’m guilty of that myself.

3. What are your roles with the FicBitch site and have you actually run across people trying to make the list on purpose?

I’d like to say I’m a muse and source of inspiration for the Fic Bitch, but in the end I’m probably just the guy standing on the corner holding up a sign that says, “The End of Evangelion is Nigh!” But in my defense, it’s a very pretty sign: I added glitter to it.

As for people deliberately attempting to make the list…so far I haven’t really encountered anyone doing it seriously. For comedic purposes like me, yes, but never in an attempt to garner an infamous name for themselves. Then again I haven’t been actively looking and I do rather fear what might happen to me should I encounter such a person. The odds favour me screaming like a girl and running to the furthest possible corner of the Net as I can find.

4. Can you tell me any projects you’ve been working on?

The last year has seen life come tapping my favourite shoulder in a rather ominous fashion whilst holding aloft a very large sledgehammer. As a result, any amount of writing I’ve done as of late has been abysmal at best, but I am holding out hope for 2010.

There are a number of original fiction projects on the go, short stories and novels alike, as well as an attempt at writing a Senshi/General romance for my wife…who’s insisted there had better be no Jedi mind tricks, running away to the U.S. or spelling errors in my story, or I’m doomed.

5. Finally, it’s been a while, will the FicBitch site be updated with new stories anytime soon?

It was once said that an infinite number of monkeys working on an infinite number of typewriters will eventually hammer out the entire works of Shakespeare. Well, eventually isn’t good enough for us. We’ve commandeered an infinite number of evil flying monkeys (plus 1, for good measure) and given them Velociraptors. Now so long as these Velociraptors don’t eat the monkeys or the typewriters first, that will make these the most bad-ass monkey-writers this planet has ever seen. And they shall be tasked with updating the Fic Bitch site.

Soon, the entire page will be presented in glorious 3-D Imax, resplendent with the most cutting edge Dolby sound. A simple click of the mouse on any link or icon will be the equivalent of experiencing orgasmic rays of sunshine in yyour stomach. Terrible fics gilded with scathing banter will come at you relentlessly like a horde of misspelled zombies.

You will be like Marty McFly standing in front of that wall-sized amp, guitar pick in hand, and you will contemplate whether to flee like so many cowards gone before you, or to show the universe that your balls are made of pure adamantium. The FicBitch website will be your woofer, turned all the way up to an 11. And the instant you dare to embrace your destiny and click on a page, it will explode in a fiery array of sparks and pure unbridled awesome as it sends your mind careening across the room. And you will love it, no matter how deaf you are or how badly your ears are bleeding.

[Disclaimer: this entire answer is a complete lie.]

Visit the Fic Bitch for yourself, and see what lies ahead

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Episode 16 - The Holiday P.I.T.

The Holiday Special!
Andrew Cook is too elite to just save one holiday.
We save Hanukkah with A Hanukkah Carol by Gothica13
We save Kwanzaa with Lion King 3: The Enchanted Kwanzaa by Thylacine 2000
Finally we all learn the true meaning of Christmas with The Night before Christmas by Epyon Zero
  • Violin Concerto in E Minor by Mendelssohn
  • Greensleeves by King Henry VIII
  • Blue Danube by Johann Strauss II
  • 9º by José Maurício Nunes Garcia
  • Canon in D Major by Pachelbel

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Episode 15 - Darkly Dawns the Dance with the Devil

In this episode, Andrew Cook reads Chapters 4-5 of On Dark Wings and Dark Nights by Damien Nathaniel Wren.
What is The Joker's master plan?
In these action packed chapters, we answer a few a questions and leave many more.

Play Episode 15

Next episode will be the Holiday themed episode, send in your contributions and find out of it gets on the show. Be creative, we're not just limiting this to Christmas.
Send your emails to

Intro : Batman 1977, the Japanese opening
-Powerhouse by Raymond Scott
-The Nutcracker suite, Op.71aby Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
-Walkürenritt by Richard Wagner
-Largo al factotum by Gioachino Rossini

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Best Podcast

Pretentious Internet Theatre is in the running for Best Podcast, only because Most Elite isn't a category.

Please help and vote and thanks for listening.
Episode 15 coming sooner than later.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Episode 14 - Rory's First Kiss Gets Dangerous

In this episode, Andrew Cook reads Chapters 1-3 of On Dark Wings and Dark Nights by Damien Nathaniel Wren. Amazing in how it has never been attempted, at the moment of this posting, it is the only Batman crossover of its kind hosted on
Play Episode 14

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Intro: Theme to "The God of Gamblers"
Johann Strauss II - Die Fledermaus Overture, Blue Danube
Gioachino Rossini - The Barber Of Seville
Franz Liszt - Hungerian Rhapsody #2, #10
Bedrich Smetana - Dance of the Comedians
Tchaikovsky - The Nutcracker
Raymond Scott - Powerhouse

Sunday, October 18, 2009

P.I.T the 13th - The Halloween Episode

In this special Halloween episode of Pretentious Internet Theatre, Andrew Cook finds 4 spooky stories found throughout the internet to presents them to you.
Thrill to the bone chilling "If I Was a Monster" by Plastic Dolly.
Scream at Haunted House by Q. Static.
Beware Deadpool and the Great Big Mystery Maniac by DigimontamerB
Get scared out of your wits by Xanders Terribly Bad Halloween by FallenDruid

It's LaVelle by the way
Play Episode 13

Intro : Creature Double Feature
Komm, Gott Schöpfer, Heiliger Geist by Bach
Requiem 8th Movement: Lacrimosa by Mozart
'Danse Macabre' by Camille Saint-Saëns
Prelude in C-Sharp Minor, Op.3, No.2 by Sergei Rachmaninoff
Music for Strings, Percussion and Celesta IV by Bela Bartok
The Firebird, Kastchei's Dance by Stravinsky
Prelude And Fugue 5 In F Minor by Mendelssohn
Mazurka by Tchaikovsky
Sonata 53 In E Minor Third Movement by Haydn
Nocturnes Op.27 in C# major by Chopin
Romantic Pieces For Violin And Piano Opus 75 1st Movement by Dvorak

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Episode 12: Willow the Wisp

On the cusp of the Halloween type episode, Episode 12 features a Willow-centric Buffy the Vampire Slayer story called Show Me The Money hosted on the Livejournal of Ryna_fic. Wait a second! What's this? Magog...We have a crossover with the WWE folks! This is the greatest night of fanfiction in the history of our sport. Connections never thought possible come to light, in more ways than one.

Play Episode 12

Intro: WWF 1985 Bumper
Divertimento in D Major KV 136 1st & 2nd Movement by Mozart
Serenade Opus 127 Third Movement by Giuliani
Flute Concerto 2 (3rd movement) by Mozart
Sonata For Flute And Piano W86 Third Movement by Bach
Sonata In A Minor Opus 105 First Movement by Schumann
Pelléas et Mélisande by Faure
Sinfonia Concertante For Violin, Cello And Strings In D Major First Movement by Pleyel
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Saturday, September 26, 2009

Episode 11: The End of the Beginning

Intro: Fuji 8 Japan Ident.
In this episode, Andrew Cooke had recorded the installments 4 - 6 of American Kitsune by David Gonterman. Then the rest of the story gets dropped, due to content not featured on this program.

Andrew Cooke then reads OMGWTFBBQ to end Series 1. Special thanks to Fic Bitch for hosting this story, and providing material for some future episodes.

Again, this episode is lost. Basically Andrew Cooke announced the end of series 1.
He got a better mic. Then he swears off reading that why it was never re-recorded
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Episode 10: Enter the Daveykins

Originally Aired: September 4, 2009
Intro: cold intro to HBO 1983
The beginning of the end is the end of the beginning.

In this episode, Andrew Cook read the first three installments of American Kitsune by David Gonterman. As always you can read along when you click on the title of the story. David Gonterman has long since left the fan-fiction game but still writes fiction and original comics at FoxFire Studios.

Sorry, this one got lost

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Episode 9 - Live from Mini-Megacon

Originally Aired: August 25, 2009
Intro: WBGH Boston
Recorded live on Sunday, August 23, 2009 Andrew Cook steps out of the recording studio. He not only does his show before a live audience, but invites the elite in the room to take part. Tonight's focus is on Hans Von Hozel, an author from Germany, who wanted to learn English by way of writing fan fiction. It the time of this recording, he had done 218 stories featured on

Andrew Cook also announces the story he'll be reading for the multi-part series finale.
Which got deleted, sorry
Play Episode 9

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Episode 8: First King of Hawaiʻi ATTACK!

Original Air Date: August 10, 2009
Intro: CBS Special
This is a story like no other, at least no other Andrew Cook has read.

Written by Gofer-chan. Until the End of Time is the DBZ crossover, no one ever saw coming.

Play Episode 8

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Episode 7 - and all that Jazz

Original Air Date: August 10, 2009
Intro: Intro: Bad Starscream Russian translation
This episode is chapters 4&5 of “Morning Tea” by Lola Hard
I did a little overtime on this one.

Play Episode 7

Keep those emails coming at .

Also, if you wish to read more stories by Lola Hard some of them can be found here.

Episode 6: More Than Meets The Eye

Originally Broadcast: July 31, 2009
Intro: WLVI 56 Ident
The story this episode is the first three chapters of "Morning Tea" by Lola Hard
Bad news: This episode originally was going to have the entire story.
Good news: That means episode 7 is not so far away.
Good thing too because August is going to be busy. Andrew Cooke makes a big announcement during the outro and P.I.T. will never be the same again.

Play Episode 6

Remember to email with your suggestions and comments.
Also, if you wish to read more stories by Lola Hard some of them can be found here.

Interview with The Weird Girl from Down the Road

1. I didn't get an initial response from you. How did you feel about your story being featured on this program?

I was sorta excited sorta embarassed, excited because you thought my story was good enough for your podcast, embarassed because I don't know I was.

2. Do you often write under the influence of sleep deprivation?

No the only reason I was really tired was because it was the last two days of spring break and I was trying to get on a normal sleeping routine, by staying up all night and day and going to bed at like seven.

3. I'm a bit confused as to why Spongebob turned evil in chapter 7. From my perspective, he was nothing but friendly to Edward and Bella. In return, for this hospitality, they murder his friend and rip him to shreds.
Defend them, could you?

Well the reason Bella killed Sandy was because Sandy was Bellas singer and Bella was just turned into a vampire, a year ago, in my story so she's very unexperienced compared to Edward and his family, so it sorta makes sense why Bella killed Sandy, not because of Spongebob but because she had no control. As for ripping up Spongebob, Edward did that so he couldn't expose vampires to the world, also he paniced and didn't know what to do, and acted on inscint.(I'm a bad speller)

4. Do you have a literary inspiration, or favorite author? How do they inspire you in you writing?

Not really, I was just really bored and found fanfiction, and started writing stories.

5. How many pets do you have? I notice a lot of them popping up in your author's notes.

Well I have about, eight, two cats, two gueina pigs, one dog, three ferrets, but the one I was talking about in my story died recently and is one ofthe reasons I haven't continued my story.

6. What projects are you currently working on?

I was working on three stories but I have currently took a break from writing.

Episode 5: Vampires Are Alive

Originally Broadcast June 22, 2009
Intro: ITC Ident
So far, the crossovers we've featured have been in the same genra. The mold is broken with a Twilight Spongebob Squarepants crossover that's still in progress.
It's called Bella And Edward go to Bikini Bottom
The fourth wall may never be the same again.

 Play Episode 5


Episode 4: Wagon Train in Space

Originally Broadcast: May 18, 2009
Intro:Channel 4 Ident
A special episode dedicated to Star Trek. I'm happy cause I don't have to yell at the top of my lungs.

Two stories from you here: Quantam Trek by DragonWriter and Shadows in the MiST by Sandra Guzdek.

Play Episode 4

Interview with AnimeFan 18.0

Interview with AnimeFan 18.0

Sep 15th, 2009 by pretentiousinternettheatre Edit |

I always make it a habit to contact the authors I read stories from, or try to anyway. If you remember I did read a direct response from him in Episode 2. Here is the author that provided “Vegeta vs Pikachu” and made up the first three episodes, AnimeFan 18.0.
“1. In the opening to Chapter 1 of Vegeta vs Pikachu, you mentioned this idea had been forming for sometime. How did you come up with this?”
Whew boy…man was that a long time ago! Let’s see… I believe I was on a website called and discovered a little flash game where you fired Ki-blasts at a Pikachu (I think). After playing it, I thought something along the lines of “Hmm…I wonder what would happen if Vegeta had to fight Pikachu from Pokemon?” So I thought about it and eventually an idea for a one-shot came to me. I wrote it, posted it, saw that people liked it, and decided to continue the story. Thus, a fanfic was born.
“2 You also mention a muse that bit you, can you share a little about this muse?”
He’s a little turd, that muse is! One minute, I’m inspired to write an epic, the next I’m so disgusted with the idea I don’t want to think about it. He’s basically the personification of my whimsy-ness, and loves to toy with me when it comes to throwing ideas around in my head. -grumbleblastedmusegrumble-
“3. Do you have a literary inspiration, or favorite author? How do they inspire you in you writing?”
Ironically, I don’t read as much now as I did when I was a kid. My favorite authors from then were Eoin Colfer, Lemony Snicket, and (to an extent) JK Rowling. Now-a-days, I spend most of my reading time reading stories online or fanfiction. I need to get back in the habit of reading stories written by profesional writers; my dad’s already sugested half-a-dozen books for me to read.
Also, I can’t say that they inspired me much when I wrote Vegeta VS Pikachu, but nowaday I’m heavily inpired to try and bring my own writing to the same level (or better) as those authors I listed and the authors of other stories I’ve read.
“4. One of the obstacles with portraying Pikachu is communication. How did you come about sounding out his speech patterns before translation?”

Simple: I didn’t. I wrote the translated piece first, then added in before it a speech pattern based on what I heard from the little guy on the show. There actually was an episode were Pikachu and other Pokemon talked to each other, and it was translated at the bottom, so I guess you can say that episode influenced the way I chose to translate Pikachu’s speech.
“5. Is it a coincidence I also notice he’s the only character that cusses? Vegeta’s potty mouth seems to be a running gag throughout the story.”
No-Vegeta is so famous for his temper, I thought it would be funny to have him throw a curse word or two. So yes, that was an intentional gag.
“6. What projects are you currently working on?”
In all honesty…I have no bloody clue. The helpful hinderance that is my muse has thrown several ideas into my head, but refuses to help me expand and/or focus on one particular idea. I am, however, thinking about an idea for a video game series called Ratchet and Clank. It revolves around an origional character I’ve created and takes place before the events of the actual games. I’m also thinking about a DBZ-Kingdom Hearts crossover, but my little sister wants to learn how to write fanfiction, so I may let her do that one. Other than that…not sure. :\ Right now, my attention is mainly concentrated on origional works/ideas, so it may be awhile before I write any more fanfiction. Or I might post something two days from now! You never really know with me… XD

Episode 3 : Search for Kirk/Spock

Intro: WBZ 4 Ident 1988
It’s the last 2 chapters of Vegeta vs Pikachu. In this episode we actually get our first example of beeped language for content, albeit from Pikachu. Also, Andrew Cooke mentions the one of the big criteria for requested content.
Play Episode 3

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Episode 2 - Electric Pikachu

Originally broadcast March 29, 2009.
Intro: Thames Ident
We continue the story of Vegeta vs Pikachu, with comments from Animefan 18.0 This one promises to be my second episode yet.
Play Episode 2


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Episode 1 - It All Started With a Mouse.

Here's where it all started.
It’s debut episode brings you a reading of Vegeta vs Pikachu by Animefan18.0
Play Episode 1
Intro: PBS Ident 1971
Originally broadcast on February 22,2009.